Beat the Boarding School Blues

Sesameed Blog

By now, orientation should well be over, and our child should be quite attuned to the daily rhythm of the new boarding school life. Besides fun and laughter, most students will by now have gained a good sense of their environment. Not just their physical environment, but more so, their peer environment. Remember, the competitive (sometimes hyper-competitive) nature of the selection process means that every student was a star to begin with, and when we put all the stars together, a new pecking order will gradually emerge. Sheer math will tell us that most of the stars will no longer be stars. Welcome to the world of ordinary citizens. A new sense of identity starts setting in. It is normal.

Supporting Your Student

  • Seeking help. While some really lucky ones will continue to ace all their classes, the rest of us will likely be wrestling with a few classes of ours. If our child had not been used to asking teachers for help, now is the perfect opportunity to develop this important life skill. Most, if not all, boarding school teachers are readily available to help, but only if they are asked to help. It’s part of growing up; our child must learn how to reach out for help by himself/herself. It is a sign of strength, not weakness.
  • Offering help. It is also a time to learn to be kind and generous. Everyone is strong in something. I help you in math; you help me in Spanish. I scratch your back; you scratch mine. That’s how bonds are built. We learn to celebrate with one another in good times as well as support one another through hard times.
  • Time management. Most challenges can be overcome with time. But if a child is facing challenges concurrently on too many fronts, it can get overwhelming. That’s why we should not be too ambitious in the first school term, both in course load and activity involvement. Err on the side of caution. If anything, leave some time for sleep! Speed is key. It’s not enough to do very well, but we must do very well in the least amount of time.
  • Love and support. All this poses tangible as well as psychological challenges to our child. This is not the time to remind our child to do well in school. Our child knows that. The challenge is in doing that. As much as we parents are all tempted to step in to solve our child’s problem for him/her, we need to learn to let go. Let them learn to solve their own problem on their own. That’s how they develop their confidence. Tell them we love them; offer them our unconditional support. If there is anything to “ask of them,” ask them never to give up but to keep trying their best. Focus on the journey, not the destination. The result will take care of itself.
  • Connect with your student’s advisor. Every student is assigned to an advisor, who keeps watch over our child. Contact the advisor regularly (not daily!) to get the complete perspective. Many teenagers tend to present a one-sided story to their parents when, in reality, they are handling the situation just fine. Our children are more resilient than we think.

So it is exciting times! How we all thought we would be free when we got to send our child off to boarding school, but in fact, most of us are now more worried about our child than ever. It is all normal. It will all work out. Our children are more resilient than we think.

-Daniel

PS: Please share this post with any other parent who might also be interested in this type of content. All boarding school moms are encouraged to join our Boarding School Moms Support Group.