When our children are out there on their own, their ability to care for their state of mind, their mental health, is critical to ensuring they can keep up with the academic and extracurricular pace of boarding school life. As the saying goes, it is all in the state of mind. Staying upbeat and optimistic is critical to success not only in boarding school but also, ultimately, in life itself. However, it can be challenging to be upbeat and optimistic if one is not happy. Teaching our children to find the positives regardless of circumstances is one of our best gifts for the next generation. The following consists of some of the advice we’ve offered parents over the years about supporting boarding students mental health.
Academics
Academics are just the start. Students at American schools don’t celebrate over grades. Rather, it is a social taboo even to discuss grades. What they do celebrate is achievements over collective activities, like a sports match win over a rival school or a successful musical production together. Academics won’t really make our children “happy”; they just need to not make them “unhappy.” So it is important to make sure that our children stay on top of the academic game, learn to manage their time reasonably well, and not become too overwhelmed.
Activities
At boarding schools, social achievements mean much more to the students. Most social achievements occur in the context of activities and people. So in our weekly calls with our children, try to spend more time understanding their extracurricular and social lives. Instead of “How are you doing?” perhaps try asking, “What exciting things did you guys do this week?” In what activities are they participating? Which ones do they love the most, and why? What new things are they trying? Encourage them to go out of their comfort zone. Grade 9 is about exploration; Grade 10 is about engagement. Encourage them not to be easily discouraged. It’s okay not to be great at everything. Many times in life, knowing where we don’t do great is just as important, if not more important, as knowing where we do do great.
Friends
Perhaps most importantly, find out who their new friends are. Find out about their backgrounds, interests, personalities, etc. Understand the context of their interactions. Understand the influence that their peers have on our children. Now that our children have moved on to boarding schools, we parents are no longer the only key influencers in our children’s lives; friends are also moving to the center stage. How well are our children getting along with others? Whom do they like, and not like, and for what reasons? How many new friends have they gained? Do they eat with the same or different group of folks at each meal? Little details like these will help bring about a picture of how well our children are integrating themselves into their community. For a teenager, these are the baby steps toward reaching out, getting to know others, making ourselves known, being accepted, being liked, becoming popular, being looked up to, and ultimately, standing up, and making a difference.
-Daniel
PS: Please share this post with any other parent who might also be interested in this type of content. All boarding school moms are encouraged to join our Boarding School Moms Support Group.
